i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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