I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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