I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
