Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
