I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
