I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
