you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize