guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
