At least make sure they are 18
Why
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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