dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
