he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
