i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
