my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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