i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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