Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
