i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
