Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
