So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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