Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize