Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
