So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
