Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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