He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His nipple licking is glorious
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