Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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