...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize