No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This house was built for laser tag.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize