I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
