its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
