piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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