The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
