Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
