omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She bit a glass in half.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
