I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
