My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
