I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
