Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
