i think my mom watched the whole time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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