he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
