His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
