i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
