Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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