Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
