WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
