don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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