it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
