he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
