I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
