TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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