Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
