I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
