My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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