Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
