im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
