there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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