It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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