Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize