she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
