1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
