Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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