I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
