just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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