why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize