cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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