Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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