Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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