i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
