I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
