Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
