I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize