forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
